Dog or Iraqi?
Open Vote Will Decide Fate of Canine, Human
New York, March 6, 2008 – Polls opened last night in a high-stakes democratic election between dog and man in which the loser will be publicly waterboarded. On the evening of April 21st, the creature with the most votes will be subjected to the popular interrogation technique in front of a live audience at an undisclosed New York location. The public is invited to cast their vote by going to www.dogoriraqi.com.
Known affectionately as "Buddy," the 2-year-old pug breed was recruited from a local animal shelter by contest sponsor Torture Choice, LLC. Buddy is being held in an undisclosed location for his own protection until the election results are tallied.
The Iraqi man facing-off against the pug is Waafa Bilal, a 30-year-old artist who now lives in Chicago but formerly lived in Iraq under tyrant Saddam Hussein.
"I do not want to be tortured in any way," said Bilal,"Please help me, vote to waterboard the dog."
The interrogation technique to be used on Buddy the Dog or Bilal the Iraqi has been in development for centuries. It was used in the Italian Inquisition, perfected by Pol Pot's Khmer Rouge in Cambodia, and further developed today by the United States of America. The process involves the immobilization of a subject on his back, with head declined, and the pouring of water over and into the breathing passages, thus drowning the victim and (usually) resuscitating him or her or it at the last moment. Side effects include long-term psychological damage and death.
"We will have a doctor and a vet on hand to minimize the risk of death to Buddy or Bilal" said Ned Blades, the CEO of Torture Choice, LLC, the corporation sponsoring www.dogoriraqi.com. "The American military for over 200 years has protected our freedom so that we can use these techniques in our homeland. In most other countries we would not be allowed to have this contest."
On Monday this week, the US Government approved the appointment of federal Judge Mark Filip as the Justice Department's second-ranking official. Filip has publicly denied waterboarding is torture, joining other prominent officials in the government including Attorney General Michael Mukasey and Vice President Dick Cheney.
"The approval of our government paves the way for us to create this unique and exciting event. Please cast your vote" said Blades.
To vote go to: www.dogoriraqi.com/poll
Press Contacts:<nedbladesned@gmail.com>
To email Bilal: <Bilal@dogoriraqi.com>
To email Buddy: <Buddy@dogoriraqi.com>